This is not my beautiful life
Have you ever had that feeling where something seems stuck – and to unstick it means going to places that you’re not ready for?
Relationships can be like that. Those deep dark places where you feel your soul is on display. Those places that don’t get any more comfortable when you drill down into them, even with the “wisdom” of age. In fact once you get set in your ways, digging a way out is a mission.
Sometimes a relationship on the rocks and the stress of knowing you’re over 50 can seem like a double whammy.
The evolution of marriages and long term relationships guarantees that at some point we all get to the “what do we do now?” pitstop.
Well, what DO you do when you get stuck?
I can help you transition your relationship/marriage from functional to fantastic. But remember, the fantastic part needs your participation.
Here’s an example:
A few years ago I worked with a client who had come to me for help with her relationship. Sally had been married to Rob, the love of her life, for 35 years. Now let’s face it, that’s a long time to be together with someone, whichever way you cut it.
In all that time, even if you’re channeling the spirit of a saint, there are going to be days when you’ll look at your partner and your life and ask yourself “what the hell am I doing here?”
Sound familiar?
Sally and Rob’s (not their real names) relationship has been through major illnesses, petty jealousies and some shouting matches that had the neighbors ready to dial 911. Despite the rocky days, and a whole lot more, Sally & Rob managed to endure. Their marriage evolved from the steamy newlywed days when they couldn’t keep their hands off each other to the current status of deep friendship.
So – we all go through that. What’s the big deal you may ask?
Well, here’s the thing. Years ago after recovering from a stroke, Rob zoned out. He settled into a phase of gratitude, comfort (a love affair with the sofa) and an ever increasing complacency. Rob was now content to just hang out at home, watch TV and spend time with the other dudes in the neighborhood.
Rob’s friends were also over 50 and putting the brakes on their lives. Many of them were either already in retirement mode or preparing for their own version of scaling things back.
But there was more to come. A few years after Rob’s illness Sally was dealt her own tough health setback – a devastating cancer diagnosis.
Sally then went on her own inner and outer journey of surgery and recovery. They were dark days. Miraculously Sally pulled through and was given the final all clear from her medical team.
Sally experienced an epiphany. She looked at her life and made a decision – “I really want to LIVE!” Sally lights up when she talks about her future, which includes trying new experiences and traveling to exotic locations with pina coladas, sun drenched beaches and tanned sexy men.
It was at this stage that Sally and I began our work together.
The obvious challenges in Sally and Rob’s relationship need to be addressed so that they can both go on to live their own Next Act – whether that’s together or apart. Without addressing the important issues of why they have grown apart, Sally and Rob are holding themselves hostage to the old idea of what their marriage was. This is limiting their opportunity for growth and happiness, irrespective of their age.
And remember age is not an obstacle, it is a great opportunity!
For now Sally and Rob are still together as Sally continues to work through the steps towards her Next Act.
Step one: What HAS to happen? A common theme for many clients is that “none of this is working,” or “none of this is working anymore.” These feelings are very real, especially when you start to look at your list and you get overwhelmed by the changes you want to make. Being overwhelmed is often accompanied by being immobilized and unable to do anything to effect change.
Step two: What CAN happen? Just defining a starting point makes a difference! Now with these ideas in place we dive deeper.
Step three: What do we DO NOW? Walk towards the light Carol Ann. It’s time to create an action plan and follow through.
For now, Sally is head over heels and falling in love with herself again. It’s like a beautiful story where you meet yourself again and learn all about You and the things that you like. Remember that part of romance? She may or may not decide to move on from her marriage at some point – but for now she is just feeling herself!
My goal is for each of my clients to get to experience a new level of happiness, or maybe return to a past happiness that has been waiting for them to remember, renew and re-engage.
Sound good?
Don’t second guess yourself
Can you relate to Sally’s story? Let’s schedule a call to see what might be possible.
You’ve got this, and I’ve got you.
Dena
DENA BURTON
I’ve been a model, a real estate agent, and I am a native Angeleno. (Surviving LA traffic not only shows my ability to stay level headed, it also shows my commitment and follow through.)
